as my third set of orders for COVID-19 response expires, a fourth arises and ive been advised that the hours will be much longer. i will see how that goes in the upcoming week and keep the team posted.
Before I start, i'd like to say that if I am inadvertently leaking admin information it isn't to be malicious in anyway shape or form. Quite the opposite really because I know that their are a lot of dedicated people to the TRP server that create amazing content not just for you but for other people. You are selfless people that don't do it for any appraisal. You do it because you simply want to create content that not only you would enjoy but other people will as well. And then there are people who are sticking to TRP for the soul reason that you hope it will get better. That changes will be made to allow the server to function not just as a means to joke around but to create a character in a medium that no other place can offer.
When I joined TRP I thought it was something straight out of the terminator movies. Action, terminators, a sense of comradely with your fellow soldier. It was fucking amazing. I played this goofball of an old man fighting in the front lines with people 50 years younger than him. And he went on one hell of a journey. I'll always have fond memories of that because when I was much younger during about 2008 I always wanted to join TRP but I didn't have the computer to play it. I managed to join once and witnessed an organised drone patrol searching a house only to see a young couple crawl out the back and take to the hills. Skynet tried to follow them but they got away, together. You could imagine them holding hands as they ran, scared beyond belief but alive. That's what I imagine of TRP. A story of survival. And, unfortunately, this version of TRP will never be that.
After a while, you start to notice the problems with the server and it's only enhanced when you become an admin. You have to be a bystander to your friend being beaten up and be unable to do anything about it. You see the server for what it is; a hollow shell of it's former self. There is no organisation. There are no major changes in the works because we're not allowed to. We can create whatever story we want but if we can't get the server to function outside of that what's the point. I join the server and hope that today will be fun but, well, it's not. It's an empty map with no incentive to roleplay because people are naturally unmotivated to create content when their not given the tools to do so or allowed to make the changes needed to make their side of the server function.
The changes people want will never happen because we're not given the tools to do so. It's chalked up to us not knowing how servers work and I've seen it a dozen times. You may of seen something like this before but it doesn't mean your right. You need to give your community the tools to at least try. You cannot have success without failure. We've seen it on HL2 and look where we are now. For the first time in a long time, the whole community came together to find our what was wrong with the server and I honestly think we've made head way and he next iteration will be in the knowledge that we have improved as a whole. That it's better off trying as a collective than being denied the chance.
So that's what's happening people. I won't try and lie to you or ignore the fact that our voices are being denied. That your effort on the server is in vain because of the glaring problems of the server which is crippling it will never be addressed. We'll shove a bandaid on it and hope for the best. My goal is to save some people future headaches and officially tell people what most people know. TRP doesn't work nor will it if we're not allowed the opportunity to fix it not just as the admin team but the community as a whole. It's fucking sad people. Sad that we have to see a part of our community slowly snuff out and I for one will not remember TRP for those last moments. I'd prefer to remember Albert Miller and seeing TRP for the first time in 2008. And I can't lie to you and say that everything will be ok because it won't. Most of your efforts are in vain and I want to save you the time you'll probably waste.
This may just be my opinion. I over analyse things. I'm a tad dramatic to say the least. But this is how I feel and I won't go down silently because of my opinion. If i'm to be banned or something because i'm showing people what actually goes on in TRP then fuck it, at least I go out with a bang. Atleast I know that I told people my honest to God opinion of TRP and if you think i'm right or batshit crazy then atleast I know I got it off my chest.
If this is the last time I see any of you again, i'd like to say thank you for being a safe place for me to call my second home. When I came back, I was in a rough spot and I needed somewhere I can become myself again. I can interact with people in my own terms and deal with the demons of life in a safe space. I can confront people, I can have a laugh with people and I can do the thing I love to do; write. To everyone i've interacted with, know that I enjoyed each and everyones company. You brought your own personality to this weird placed filled with outcasts and you opened your heart to me and for that I am eternally thankful. Each and everyone of this community deserve a medal for going through all the shit this place can throw at you and bouncing back tougher and more resilient than other. Be is straight, gay, transgender and everything in between, we're all apart of something unique here that very few places can offer. People develop bonds and memories here that will last a lifetime. I hope you remember this when you get angry about something in this community. We're all a strange group of friends that keep coming back to one another because we do, at heart, care about one another.
If I am banned or something of this ilk, I hope the best for you everyone. I hope you achieve your aspirations and live a full life filled with splendor.
- Lots of love, Belowthebelt AKA Liam Ross.
p.s. I only did this for the positive reactions. I gotta get them somewhere.
raklo: I’m sorry you went out feeling this way man, you’re a good lad and I hope the TRP team can make some significant progress to get us back to an acceptable standard
dee: You were good son real good, maybe even the best.
Blaze: We'll take it from here brother, stay healthy, stay safe.
I'm going to keep this brief, but I think it's important that I start by saying that I'm incredibly appreciative of the opportunity given to me to become part of the administration on Halo. At the beginning when it was first offered I saw an opportunity to take a different approach to helping the server out, as well as being part of team that actively tried to make the server more fun for the players. However, as of recently my activity on the server has grown spotty, and that can be attributed to my schedule becoming less free as well as a struggle with staying motivated to get on. To elaborate on the latter, I don't feel that I have the necessary grasp on Halo to help forward the server in any way, and feel that it's rather unfair to the people pouring their full effort in.
Thanks for everyone who was willing to give me a shot, sorry I couldn't keep myself invested.
I think it's fair to say that, at least for the time being, my time with TRP at least as an admin is done. My attention has been focused elsewhere for the last month or so and now that the cat is out of the bag, I do not think it would be fair for me to sit on an admin position on a server where I'm simply not committed or focused anymore. Had a good run with Terminator as a setting and I wouldn't undo it for anything, I'm grateful to the whole team and both present and past members who stepped up to try and do something new, or give the server its own unique appeal despite how monotonous the standard S2K can get.
This isn't to say I'm done with TnB - not at all - just my creative drive is settled elsewhere - specifically on HLNA and whatever small-mid scale RRs come up. I will still do what I've been doing, regardless and likewise, if anyone needs to drop a note with me to chat - my inbox and Discord DMs will always remain open.