Accepted Ban Appeal - Drewerth, Community Ban

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    • Do not post useless +support.
    • Do not post personal vouches.
    • Do not shitpost or derail.
    Failure to adhere to this will get you infracted and/or banned.

    A permanent ban is often a method to get the accused to post an appeal. It is not at all times the verdict.
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alfa

Banned
May 4, 2016
196
Identity
Posting this for him.

Name:
Drewerth

Steam ID:
STEAM_0:0:55407526
Drewerth#6200

What were you banned from?:
Community Ban / Forums, Discord, TRP (Halo, probably)

Original length of ban:
Permanent.

Time since ban:
Roughly one year, just under 12 months.

Who banned you:
Shinzokk, Bekah, TankNut, thecatwhomines, and (I believe) Newticus.
If the parties above find that I'm incorrect, please let me know. My memory of the names is mostly accurate, I'd hope.

Reason for original ban:
Gross behavior; generally returning to the attitudes and mentalities that found be permanently banned by Bennet from TnB. Causing/picking arguments where not necessary and create unnecessary issues.

Proof(If Applicable):
I generally don't have anything to fully prove what I've stated above. I'm going off of memory, but any moderator should be able to see that my account is banned/deactivated.

Reason for unban:
Hey all, long time no see. I know that you all know that I've been banned for a while, but I don't know who all knows what. What I do know is that once I was banned I burned a lot of bridges, childishly, and haven't spoken to a lot of my friends in a very, very long time. I'd really like to rekindle some of what I've destroyed, and I hope that I'm offered that opportunity. I'll answer to any questions you all may have, and accept whatever outcome is met.

I genuinely want to get back to roleplay, and want to reconnect with countless friends and faces that I've not messaged since the last time I was able to connect to the now defunct HL2RP server. A year has since passed and while I wanted to wait longer before even considering a return, I find that I'm struck with a desire to write stories cooperatively and explore my favorite universes once more both with people who I'm familiar with and on a server that uses a gamemode I prefer. I'll be honest when I say that there's no true "reason" to unban me and my last ban for similar, albeit less severe reasons kind of proves that. I went back on my word and repeated the same behavior. In hindsight I should have waited longer before making that appeal.

On topic though, my current ban. I was, to my best understanding, banned as a result of consistent and repeated behaviors ranging from having attitude problems, to arguing with admins, to effectively spoiling roleplay for others because I felt the way things were progressing was "wrong" or "stupid." None of this was because of a real, justifiable reason and in hindsight did nothing but hinder others' ability to enjoy the server and universe. I had turned into a player with unrealistic demands that didn't consider others' experiences aside from myself, which I now understand is both wrong and harmful to the server's longevity. I complained to admins and players alike, no filter at all, for any number of reasons - sometimes, this was before the server even launched. In example, I was incorrectly marked on the roster and effectively started two or three arguments with various players (and admins) until resolved. At another time, I was rightly overlooked for promotion to Field Command as an Adjutant and presumed to blame everyone but myself; The issue was so great to me that I got somewhere from 5 to 8 players involved all for the wrong reasons. I won't go too in-depth into my other shortcomings unless requested, but the standard was that I'd see something as an injustice and took it upon myself to "correct" whatever the issue was in the worst way possible.

I believe my biggest shortcoming is that I wouldn't allow myself to focus or enter a mindset to appropriately address issues, and thus I never considered the perspective of others to any degree. If there was a problem, regardless of what it was, I turned into a major problem for myself and then shifted that burden unto others. In this year that I've been gone I've spent a lot of time in other communities, not just roleplay ones, for various reasons. In some cases I did rise to the challenge of administration and development, and it's there that I really started to learn and reflect upon what I'd been doing wrong at TnB. I dealt with issues and cases of players acting as I did at TnB, and in some cases these issues turned into week long ordeals involving multiple players and administrators - in short, I learned the ins and outs of all the stresses, trials, and tribulations that players and staff go through when handling issues; Some of which were so... problematic that it's not really appropriate for me to discuss them here. I had never really considered the prospect of doing something because you love the community, and learned how difficult and time-consuming being a community leader is. It's skills like these that I've now learned and hope to use in the future when confronted with an issue, to properly address it and keep my head cool. If not for that then this ban appeal would really be all for waste. Thus, at its core, this is my "reason for unban:" I've learned to approach stressful situations differently, avoid confronting others with hostility, only involving myself when necessary, and considering the perspectives of others.

Another thing I've really had to work hard at overcoming was learning my shortsides and controlling my anxiety when it comes to social situations. For a long time and, while I'm still working on bettering myself daily to make sure I don't fall back into a loop, I had severely negative opinions about social interaction and always defaulted to something akin to "I guess they hate me now." That's... childish, to say the least. I know that I've seen my fair share of "TnB is not your therapy" responses to appeals like these, but I do want to acknowledge that I've had issues like this in the past and have taken steps to repeating the same. At the same time, I also fell short on the ball and had a tendency to believe that whatever I was doing was correct. It's a paradox to say the least; "People must always hate me, but I'm somehow doing everything right." That mentality was a real issue, especially nearing the launch of and during the latest HL2. I would argue about anything and everything and naturally assume that I was correct; Something that nearly did, or has burned a lot of bridges I'm sure. When banned I actually did burn those bridges and wiped my entire friends list on both Steam and Discord of most, barring very few, TnB players. While also childish, I do believe that distancing myself gave me the resources I needed to focus myself elsewhere and eventually acknowledge these issues.

The issues above caused the loss of many friends and the burning even more bridges. I've really had to take some time back to look at myself in the mirror before going back out into gaming communities - I believe that I've handled these issues well, now, for the most part. I'm no longer just socially defaulting to assuming I'm disliked, and have done my best to learn where my shortcomings are and how to properly address them. I'm hoping that I can start to rebuild that which I did lose and destroy - I understand that not everyone might want that, and I'll gladly accept and understand why that's the case.

I have a lot of people I ought to apologize to - far too many to name in this thread without sounding like I'm begging for forgiveness. Some I know won't to hear it, others likely will, and some have remained friends while silently shoving my faults in the carpet. Believe me, you deserve an apology if I've crossed you. I will gladly speak to you in public or private - I don't want to keep secrets, and I'll be as honest as can be when spoken to going forward. I know when I was banned I didn't really discuss it with people too much, mostly ashamed of myself as I began to regret what I'd lost and not what I'd done. Well, it's the other way around now. I understand that a lot has gone down recently in the community but it's brought out the best in some people when it comes to discussing new opportunities to better TnB - I now regret that I'd acted horribly towards some players and effectively caused my grief, making mountains out of mole hills and whatnot.

If I will apologize to one group collectively, it would be both the team that banned me and the former HL2 team entirely. I put people though a lot of grief and strife over my petty issues and I feel horrible about it, knowing fully that I likely contributed to at least one persons burnout if not more. The way I acted towards you all, your friends, and treated you all as my personal complaint/help desk was incredibly wrong. It was borderline manipulative/harassment, generally abuse, and heinous of me to act like I was above your team as well as other players while enjoying a free service that I, ultimately, found great joy in partaking in. I would also like to generally apologize to TRP/Tech-Com leaders as, around the same time, Abaddon placed my in charge of Bravo Squad as Lieutenant and I somehow let that little ounce of power go to my head. Any disagreement was an instant argument, and I got very hot-headed very quickly. Now, as I've said with other shortcomings, new experiences taught me how to properly react and address things. Regardless, I do apologize to all who I stomped on as a faction leader, a year too late, but at least done.

If I have to conclude, that's my "reason for unban." The year off has allowed me to step back and reflect on myself, recognize deep-rooted issues, and fully understand and experience remorse for my actions and not the punishment. I am hopeful that the discussions I see will bring forward a new era in TnB, and I hope to take part in it. Of course, I also recognize why some players and administrators may feel that it's not worth unbanning me now or ever: I was giving chances, countless times, and even Bennet acknowledged that I likely won't be allowed another shot in my previous unban as linked above. It's very important to me that I'm able to rebuild some or all of the friendships I destroyed and get back to my favorite pass-time. A big part of creating this thread comes from my curiosity on the subject; If I'm not wanted, I understand why and won't bother the community again, but I will be most gracious for a third and last chance. I will gladly answer and reply to any posts below or sent via Discord/Steam and will watch the thread as replies come.

Thank you for your time and consideration,
Drewerth
 

Mother

Commander of the GAR
Dec 5, 2011
1,228
Identity
i tend to be a proponent of "we can always ban them again" but in this situation i can't shake the feeling it'll end up like the last time

the effort in the unban is a nice shuffle in the right direction but drew's gotta consider if he's in a good place to come back to tnb or if its gonna throw him back into old behaviors.
 

Kinsman

Kissman
May 21, 2013
902
the effort in the unban is a nice shuffle in the right direction but drew's gotta consider if he's in a good place to come back to tnb or if its gonna throw him back into old behaviors.
It’s only been a short amount of time from our last community wide freak out. Changes are being made, and I’d hope that Drewerth realizes that his old antics are not going to fly, especially not now. IF he is to be unbanned, make triple sure he realizes that we’re going for a more constructive environment to better tell the stories we want on server. If he can’t get behind that, than this will not go over well for him.
 

Klyppen

Member
Oct 24, 2015
135
Identity
This post looks to be made by someone with a very respectable level of self awareness. I was not aware of and had no stake in the last ban/appeal, so this is coming from someone new to the Drew scene. However, the new mod team does have a stake in making this a livable environment for everyone, and I believe we're all very committed to that ideal. I hope Drewerth understands this before any decisions are made. With that said, TnB is turning something of a new leaf, and it seems so is Drewerth. I'm willing to vote yes for unban with a watchful eye.
 

pirate

nazi bastard
Sep 8, 2011
5,547
afaik drew was more banned for the sake of his own mental health than anything

we can obviously tell when someone isn't in a good headspace but only they can decide when they're ready to come back
 

baby

Legend
Dec 28, 2015
1,000
Recognizing that there were a lot of major issues behind your own behavior in the past years is enough of a step to progress towards improving on general behavior.

I'm sure behind the endless paragraphs there are still things people hold you accountable for, so I hope regardless of the conclusion to this appeal, you'll be able to continue working with yourself in a rational state of mind to resolve whatever concerns are raised about you and show you're more than just the image you've been made out to be for past decisions. It's important to exercise humility to an extent to be able to make long-lasting changes while avoiding the return to original behaviors, wether this is simply among the community or in life.

Outside my advice, I'm sure there is a healthy amount of people willing to give you a second chance here despite any issues in the past, myself included. Some will be reluctant, some will outright deny you, but that comes natural on the road to a better you.
 

wester

Kiruclanz 2.0
HLNA Admin
Mar 7, 2015
3,316
Identity
He/Him
i think considering the direction we've decided to go as a community, burying the hatchet here is the best course of action. i'm really in mother's camp: i'm not totally convinced he won't slip into another bout toxicity again, but i'm willing to give him a shot nonetheless. drew has been a capable contributor to both terminator and half-life in years past, and i'm fairly certain that he'll continue that streak if given the opportunity. like people have already said, if he slips up, the administration of either of our servers is more than happy to send him back to purgatory.
 

miguel

favela ******
Aug 13, 2016
1,385
Identity
He/Him
out of everyone around that isnt banned and shouldve, i think drew's fine, he's not malicious, and, if after the possible unban he happens to slip up or go back to a shitty mental state, im sure he'd gladly take another temporary (if not permanent) ban.
 

Sweetness

The Director
Dec 16, 2014
1,620
I've known Drew for many years, not on a very personal level (we haven't talked in a long, long time) but I've always known them not to be malicious as Miguh has said. I haven't been around to witness Drew being banned for what he's been banned for, but I think he's got a decent shot at coming back and being a productive member of the community.
 

Enraged

Mana Addict
Jan 26, 2018
1,521
Identity
Drew isn't malicious, but what I've personally seen from this community is it has people relapse back into old habits far too often.
I actually really like him and I'm still upset that he got banned, but it really was for his own good and the good of everyone that was involved with them.

He was permanently banned once before for incredibly toxic and self destructive behaviors, then we let him back, then we had to reban him for going back to the same behaviors.
Personally I want him here cause I loved playing with him, what I can't get on board with is if it's a good idea FOR him to be here.
 

Starlad

space cowboy
Jul 4, 2011
750
In all my interactions with Drewerth, I never really saw this maliciousness-- which isn't to say it wasn't there, but in the least he wasn't malicious to me. In fact, I'd go as far as to say we were friends at the time, even. I was so surprised when he was banned, and I never did truly find out why. I'd love to have my rp buddy back, I think Drew contributed a lot to RP, and those around him.
 

alfa

Banned
May 4, 2016
196
Identity
While I appreciate the kind remarks, I do have to agree with your concerns of relapse and/or re-entering ban county. I apologize if any writing is off, phone typing is hard when you've been up for 20 hours.

The ban before this one was relatively short, maybe a quarter of the time, and I was only really let back onto TRP because I was being nice on HL2. Three months wasn't really enough time to sit back and consider myself before returning, and I'll openly admit that for the longest of time I felt a grudge over that ban. There wasn't any development or learning, I just played PHL2 before saying "fuck it" and trying for TRP.

Now, it's been roughly a year and a lot has happened in that time span. I've gone through a lot in terms of experiences that have really done a lot to develop my communication and personal management skills that I personally believe can, truly, be reapplied to TnB. I've grown passed being annoyed at the community for banning me and have learned to accept my actions amd their consequences, truthfully. If anyone wants to personally DM me from the team deciding on the ban I can elaborate on some of that stuff.

Can I really prove to you that I won't relapse? Well, no, I don't think I have a definitive way of assuring that it's a 100% impossibility; I don't think anyone can promise 100% on this kind of issue. I do however think that the new leaf being turned at the community that I've so much about, combined with what I've personally learned over the year, means that there's a relatively high chance of me maintaining composure. I really needed to learn when to step back and take breaks, and that's a skill that's really helped me the last few months given the state of the world plague.

If this unban is to go through I really do want it to be a result of my ability to show my growth and change, not just a piggyback ride of the words of a few admins I've been talking to.

It's rather late so I'll be going to bed now. I'll read through again tomorrow morning and reply when Alfa is awake, if necessary.

alfa: I'll get on him if he acts up you got my word.
 

sky

your newest internet obsession
Roleplay Department Administrator
Sep 18, 2015
2,424
Identity
They/Them
When we banned you it was indeed for your own sake - it's not fun to watch our friends have the stress mount on them and break out into their behavior, and what was happening with you on here definitely wouldn't have impacted your real life in a positive way. It's unfortunate when we as administrators have to make a judgement call like that in order to prevent one of their friends having a terrible experience like that, but I hope you see we banned you with the best intentions - so you get time away, clear your head and maybe eventually return when you were in a better headspace. Furthermore, it's appreciated that you took all this time to think about what got you banned in the first place to learn from it.

Let's make this the last time we have to visit this section discussing a ban of yours.

You're unbanned, but with the clear warning that if there's one relapse into your past behavior, you're out and there won't be another chance to appeal - no way around it. I am glad to see you back though, you're honestly a good guy and I want to see you staying healthy.

Locked.
 
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